Jimjilbangs are my new favorite thing about Korea. This is because I

1. Frequently travel far from my apartment to find people to fuck

2. Infrequently succeed in this endeavor, which leaves me with nowhere to sleep

3. Don't like paying 30k to stay at a shitty love motel.

But it's far from just a matter of frugality: Jimjilbangs superior to alternatives in many ways.

For the Noobs

JJBs are 24 hour spas, found all over the place in Korea. Overnight stays are common- I've never heard of a JJB that isn't open 24 hours. In fact, I have never jimjilbanged without sleeping over night. Most have pay-per-minute computer rooms.

I didn't think it'd be appropriate to take pictures, but this is how a stay at a JJB goes down- You pay $5-10 up front, weekdays are cheaper. They hand you a key, shorts, and a shirt. You must lock up your shoes in your shoe locker before you can go anywhere that you might see dicks. You may need to exchange your shoe locker key for a regular locker key inside the locker room. Then, get naked and bathe. You're not supposed to brush up against anyone during this time.

Most places I've been to have exfoliating devices like mesh towels and coarse salt. There's plenty of communal soap bars and toothpaste, but everything else costs extra. Do whatever dirty deeds must be done, dry off, clean your ears, and put on your provided shirt & shorts. Now you can enter the co-ed area, where there will be a bunch of corpses splayed out on the floor like that scene in Gone With the Wind. What's cool about Korean saunas is you can lay down on any surface that doesn't impede foot traffic, and even some that do. Weekends at some places are so crowded, all you have to do satisfy an exhbitionist fetish is lie down and get an erection. But don't do that, I mean some people might find that a hilarious thing to do but mostly it's just really gay.

The Important Stuff-

Here is a list of the essential jimjilbangs in Korea. These are the ones you'll be staying at if you go out and don't get laid (but you will). You might get the impression that Jimjilbangs are everywhere in Korea, but they are damn hard to when you are drunk and in a nightlife district, since the real estate on the outskirts belong to seedy love motels.

Daegu **** / 5

Banwoldang (Downtown)-

Greenville Spa

Location:

Right outside of Banwoldang Subway exit 1, turn the corner and walk 20 feet, it's on the right.

How to find this fucking place- When you emerge from exit 13 on your way to the bars, look behind you. Diagonally across the intersection is exit 23. Further down the road are exits 1 and 3. This is going to help you tremendously later when you're drunk and sections of this huge, poorly labeled subway station, and sections are closed off after hours.

Amenities:

It gets full but I've never had a problem finding a place to sleep. There is a tub with different aromas for every day of the week. There's even a second floor place to sleep in the shower room, but come on that's pretty much begging for a dick in the mouth.

Weekend Price: 7k.

Pohang

Just kidding, nobody would ever visit this shithole.

Ulsan

et. al.

Seoul- Itaewon

Itaewon Land *****

My favorite spa, I'd give it 6 asterisks if that were possible. Always a place to sleep, and the oxygenated capsule room gives you privacy and an electrical outlet. There are like 40 capsules,

Location: From Itaewon Exit 4 (across the street from Hamilton Hotel), Walk straight, 3 minutes past the hill that leads to Jester's Pie, Homo/Hooker Hill etc. It's right up the steep mountain of stairs to your right.

Amenities: Don't be fooled by how shady it looks at first. This place is way nicer than most, it just has a more rustic log-cabin theme. It's five stories,

Weekend Price: 8k for 15 hours

Seoul- Itaewon

8==D~~~

There's a much gayer alternative in Itaewon. Go up past Jester's Pie, make the first right downhill. It's on your left, you should be able to notice it since it's got a neon rainbow of penises above the door.

Amenities: Lots of horny trannies and gays. I'd bet a dollar that condoms are provided free of charge here.

Price: Unknown

Seoul- Yongsan

Dragon Hill Spa / Yongsan Jimjilbang **

By the way, don't take pictures in a jimjilbang, tumblr-douche.

I've been here twice, once with some black people. This place is one of the fanciest JJBs in Korea with tons of different saunas and two frost rooms as well.

Location: Between Yongsan and Sinyongsan station. Huge, but the stone path entrance is hidden by a parking lot. Facing outward at the base of the Yongsan station, walk right towards 2 o' clock for 5 minutes.

Amenities: This place is fucking packed on the weekends, and for this reason I no longer come here. There is a Native-American themed restaurant, and a giant screen on the roof to watch sporting events. Fancy it is, but also overpriced. A game of Tekken 5 goes for 7 times the usual price.

Weekend Price: 12k

Seoul- Gangnam

*/5

This place isn't shitty, it's just the shittiest jimjilbang I've ever been to.

I was too drunk to remember specifics. Coming out of club Ellui, I made a left, wandered down a hill, kept going left, passing club Answer (?) on the right. At the main road, I made a right and after a few minutes, found a small jimjilbang that suited my purposes just fine.

I'm just putting this here to let you know that there IS a jimjilbang nearby if you are balling out in the Cheongdam clubs.

That's all I've gathered so far. I'm going to Seoul this weekend for Buddha's Birthday, and I'm going to try and sneak a girl into the men's capsule rooms in Itaewon land. If mission is a success, I will be back with strategies for stealth escort and condom disposal.